Justice for Trevor (Again)

I know it has been a while since I updated this blog.  I am going to try to summarize what has been going on.

In early 2014 we attended a post conviction hearing.  She was seeking a new trial on the grounds of inadequate council and stated she did not receive a fair trial.  The judge decided to give her a new trial.

In August of 2014 she was released on bond.

Many months passed by as we waited for a new trial date.

January 30-Feb 9 2017 a new trial was held.  New judge, new county, new attorney, new prosecutors, new medical experts and new jurors.

The facts of this case hadn't changed, the medical evidence hadn't changed.  Her "experts" were paid a lot of money to testify in trial and to try to poke holes in the state's case.  One expert was a total of $22,000 and the other was $13,000.  Each "expert" had their own theory as to what happened.  They only looked at one piece of a very large picture.

The state's experts all work with children.  3 of them actually treated Trevor at Children's National Medical Center in Washington DC.  One expert actually performed is autopsy and the other was a pediatric Neurosurgeon from Hershey, PA.

(I will write more about the experts in another post, I just want to get the basics out since it has been so long)

On February 9, 2017 the jury deliberated and Dobson was found guilty of 2nd degree murder and 1st degree child abuse resulting in death for a 2nd time.

On February 10, 2017 a sentencing hearing was held.  I was allowed to give a Victim's Impact Statement which I have linked here.

The judge reinstated her original sentence.  30 years for each charge with 10 suspended for each charge and serve them concurrently for  a total of 20 years.  She was given credit for the 4 years she was incarcerated before.  So basically a total of 16 years.  We would have loved to have more time given to her, but the law doesn't allow it.

This was an exhausting 2 weeks. I was scared to relive it, but we did and having the guilty verdict and sentence given was worth every tear.  2 juries have found her guilty, each trial was fair.  There are no more excuses.  Justice for Trevor.

***As I said I will write more at a later time.  I am just exhausted and need to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Trevor's Toy Drive 2013

Things have been rather busy lately.  I gave birth to Trevor's little brother on September 5th.  His name is Emmett James Ulrich and he is absolutely perfect.

This year we are still planning on donating toys in memory of Trevor.  This is something I have done for the past 3 years and I am excited to continue the tradition.  If you live in our area, you can donate unwrapped toys by December 8th.  I plan on dropping toys off the the state police barracks on December 9th.  This year I am adding a donation button (see below).   If you wish to make a monetary donation, you can click the button and make a donation using paypal.  Any money will go directly to toys.  

I can't thank you enough for your toy donations year after year.  Trevor's Toy Drive has donated hundreds of toys to local children.  I know Trevor would be proud of how many children we have helped.

With Love and Appreciation,
Kelly

Updates

I have waited a while to post this but Trevor is going to be a big brother.  Dominic and I are expecting a baby in September.  We know Trevor would have made an amazing big brother.

I know there are people out there who will try and ruin this for us with negative and hateful comments. However, this baby is not being brought into this world to replace Trevor.  NO ONE can replace Trevor.  He is and always will be our son.  We have been through so much and we are thrilled to start this new chapter in our lives.  I have decided to document this pregnancy on a blog as well.

On a different note other things happening:

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month - sport your blue all month long.  I will be wearing my blue awareness ribbon all month.

April 28th is our local March of Dimes Walk.  Since Trevor was born 7 weeks early, we decided to start a March of Dimes Team in his memory.  We are Trevor's Angels.  We have been able to raise close to $2,000 so far.  If you are interested in donating or want to join our team click here!

Trevor's Toy Drive

This year I will be collecting toys in memory of Trevor and donating them to the Maryland State Police Bears that Care toy drive.  Last year we filled a conversion van with toys, I am hoping to match that again this year.

If you live in our area (the Eastern Shore of MD), you can drop off toys to me before December 14th.  You can drop toys at White Marsh Elementary in Trappe, St. Michaels Elementary or at 503 Hazelwood Drive in Easton.

If you don't live in the area and would like to donate toys, send me a message and we can arrange something.  Last year many people donated a toy in memory of Trevor in their local area (That will be great as well).

We are very appreciative of all donations.  It makes the holidays a little easier knowing we can make some families Christmas a little nicer!

Truly A Miracle

I have always said that Trevor was my miracle baby - I now have proof!

This past January, after sentecing was over, Dominic and I decided it was time to start a new chapter in our lives.  Like any good book, the chapters build upon each other, we would never forget Trevor nor intend to replace him, but simply add to our family.

We started trying again in February.  In April I had a miscarriage, followed by another in May.  It is hard for me to explain how hard those losses were.  It seemed like everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women or people announcing that they were pregnant. After two losses I wasn't sure I even wanted to try again.  So we waited 3 months and started trying again.  After two more "negative" months, decided to take matters into my own hands.

I am now 32 years old and when I was 10, I underwent 6 months of chemotherapy that could have possible "aged" my ovaries making me hit menopause as early as 35.  I could hear the biological clock ticking away.  I spoke with my oncologist at Johns Hopkins in September about my concerns.  She set me up with Reproductive Endocrinologist there at Hopkins.

After blood work and a hsg scan, we have found out two things that have affected my infertility.  1.  I have a hypothyroid and 2.  I have a septate uterus, meaning my uterus is not a nice triangular shape, but almost a y shape.  This y shape is what I was born with, it not only explains my miscarriages, but the placenta previa I had with Trevor.

When I had the scan I heard the doctor whisper to the nurse "I am surprised she had a successful pregnancy at all".  Tears filled my eyes - I know I was blessed.  His early arrival, his beautiful smile and spirit, I was blessed to be his momma.  Trevor was truly a miracle baby.  I believe that there is a bigger picture, I bigger reason for the nightmare we have been living.  I may not know all this ins and outs, but I do know that my body shouldn't have been able to successfully carry a baby but it did.  Trevor was indeed my miracle baby.

Getting the news about my uterus was a little scary at first but not only do I know the cause, but I now know that it is fixable!  I go in for surgery December 2nd.  Dominic and I still have hope.  Hope to one day have the family we have longed to one day have.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Next Project

September is almost over (finally).  I hate September, it is filled with so many painful memories and just seems to drag on.  However, we are approaching another hard time, Trevor's birthday.

Trevor never had a one year birthday or even Christmas.  I have been robbed of both of these holidays.  However, when life gives you "lemons" make lemonade .... So starting the Christmas of 2009, my mom and I donated the toys in memory of Trevor to the Maryland State Police's Bears that Care Toy Drive.  It is because of the Maryland State Police Homicide Department that Justice was served.  I will never forget what they did for Trevor.

So this year, I have a bigger project in mind.  Instead of doing a balloon release and candle light vigil for Trevor's Birthday (November 29th), I want to do a toy drive and donate even more toys to the Maryland State Police this year. 

I am asking for your help.  Please consider donating an unwrapped toy on November 29th.  I will have a drop off location set up.  If you don't live in our area, please consider donating to a local group in your area.  Even though it breaks my heart to never have Christmas with my sweet Trevor, I can at least smile knowing that I can make other children's holiday special.

If you have any questions or want more information, please feel free to email me k_apple79@hotmail.com

Thank you for your continued love and support!

PTSD

It has been a long time since I have been in the mood to blog.  It sometimes just takes too much emotional energy to write.  I have learned how to live day to day, survival mode, not letting my mind drift into the horrific details of the past.  I miss Trevor every day, every moment, all the time.  I usually don’t let my mind drift into the details of how he died.  I can’t, it hurts too much and makes me want to crawl into a ball and not move. 

There are moments though that sneak up on me and take me by surprise.  The emotions flood to the surface and the pain is as sharp and real as it was September 3, 2009. 

A few weeks ago I had to drive my grandmother to the ER with chest pains.  The very same ER where Trevor was taken.  I knew this and tried to ignore the emotions and memories that were starting to surface.  When we got to the ER waiting room my mom and aunt were there to take over.  Being stubborn, I stayed, thinking I could handle it, swearing I was strong enough. 

As we were being escorted to the back to where my mom-mom would be treated, the memories and pain started.  The small 2 minute walk seemed to take forever. And the memories started to flow:

 I walked past the small waiting room they first stuck me when I got to the ER that day.  I remember falling on my knees and screaming…the nurse who came and escorted me to where Trevor was knew me, she said “I know you, this is your miracle baby, you had cancer and didn’t think you could have children”.  That sweet lady, I still don’t know who she was, but she knew me, and she took me to my baby. 

We went left this time instead of going straight, I took a deep breath and thought, ok, I can do this.  Then we went around the next corner and into my mom-mom’s “room” in the ER.  And there it was, right in front of me, the very room Trevor was treated in was just a few rooms away.  The room was empty but for some very strange and eerie reason, the light was on.  There was the bed, empty.

 It was like living in a flashback…

·      The countless doctors and nurses

·      The unnerving silence.

·      Trevor’s little body on an adult size bed

·      The nurse squeezing the bag, keeping oxygen flowing into Trevor’s unresponsive body.

·      Trevor’s lifeless eyes, his cold little hands – he didn’t move when I talked to him, didn’t turn to me when I said his name, didn’t open his eyes when I sang to him, didn’t smile at me like he always did. 

·      Children’s Hospital arriving to take him by helicopter

·      The look they gave each other when they examined Trevor’s eyes.

·      The staff telling me I couldn’t ride in the helicopter with him. 

·      The gasp of my family and friends when they saw Trevor being taken away.

All of these memories flooded my brain.  I stood there, frozen, staring at that room – the tears started to flow.  My mom and aunt hugged me and said to go, they would be fine.

I left, made it to my van, and lost it.  Crying and weeping , the kind I don’t let myself do often.  There was no stopping it.  The reality of it, my son was dead and not from natural causes, or an accident or disease, but murder.  My child….murdered….intentionally hurt…..bruises, retinal detachment, head trauma, blunt force trauma NOT an accident.

My 9 month old baby boy was murdered - Like an elephant on my chest making it hard to breathe. 

I called Dominic who calmed me down and talked me back to a calm state of mind and I was able to drive home.  I love that about him. 

I pulled into the driveway and walked up the back steps and there before me were 2 frogs.   They didn’t hop away when I came.  They just sat there and looked right up at me.   Those of you who know me, know just what frogs mean to me.  My Trevor frogs.

PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – I don’t think I really believed in it until Trevor died.  This particular day it came on like a beast, rearing its ugly head. 

I am no expert on grief nor am I the poster child on how to deal with grief, I just deal with it the only way I can, little by little one moment at a time.