Wednesday, July 21, 2010
This week Dominic and I have been vacationing in Ocean City Maryland. It is time for us to get away, relax and not think about the trial (yeah right). We needed this time to regroup and re energize ourselves before the trial preparation and actual trial begins.
We are staying in the Haslup's condo on the beach. It is Dave Haslup who has taught me and many others about silver linings. Behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining. I have heard this throughout my stay here. Dave's spirit here in his condo, has inspired me to write about the silver linings in my life.
I have seen a lot in my life and survived many things from battling cancer to losing loved ones. Nothing compares to that of losing a child, my only child, my miracle child. Not just losing him, but him being murdered, leaves an emptiness inside. But yet Dominic and I are left here to grieve, to face each day, as life doesn't stop.
There is so much negative, hurt, pain, anger, sadness - it is hard to find the silver linings. Being here away from the everyday has let me see that we do have silver linings:
• We have a huge support system of family and friends. We know we are loved and supported by so many. We have people wearing pins and bracelets. People who hang magnets and window decals. People who even live across the street from her putting magnets of Trevor on their car. People who will continue to raise awareness and tell Trevor's story. We are truly blessed to have so many people who love us, and most importantly love Trevor.
• Through FB I have met some amazing women who have been affected by SBS. They are always there for me to vent or to cry. I know they understand my pain and hurt. They are beacons of light in my life.
• Having your child murdered is probably the worst thing to happen to you. Not many people can understand it. Murder is what happens to drug dealers and "bad" people, right? Not to innocent children. One would think. Well as I said not many people understand. However, I am truly blessed to meet a very special person. Her children were murdered 10 years ago. She has been a huge support and I am so thankful to have met her.
• Although I wish it were under different circumstances, I met two amazing kick "ass" women. Both have been involved in Trevor's case - one with the State Police, the other with the State's Attorney's office. They are strong women who have helped uncover the truth. They were Trevor's voice when I couldn't be. They have been there for me to ask questions, talk and vent. I am sure they regret giving me their cell phone numbers :) They never had the chance to meet Trevor but I know how much they love him and how much they want justice for him.
• The last silver lining is my marriage. Marriage is not easy to begin with - throw the death of a child on top and try making it work. Dominic and I promised each other that this was not going to tear us apart. It is easy to see how it could have. Many couples do not survive this. Their hurt and pain is too much. Men and women also grieve very differently. Dominic and I are closer now than ever. We support each other and lean on each other. He knows my pain and I know his. I know that if we can survive this, we can survive anything.
Thank you Dave Haslup for teaching me about silver linings. I will try to focus more on the good. You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for allowing us to stay in your condo. It has been such a relaxing vacation that we really needed.
***About the photo: Once Trevor learned to hold the bottle he would watch tv, hold his bottle with one hand and his foot with the other :) so sweet!