Friday, March 26, 2010

Going back

Today I was working my normal Friday night at Koons Toyota. A customer came in and I recognized her from Easton Daycare that used to be at our school. She recognized me and we had a brief conversation about WMES, when she turned and asked me....did that teacher who lost her baby ever come back to work? I froze for a second and answered yes, that would be me and yes I went back to work.

I am not sure what people expected me to do. Some people seem shocked when they hear I went back. I really didn't have a choice. We had bills to pay and I carry the health insurance. It wasn't easy going back, but I did.

Going back to work has literally saved my life. If I didn't go back I would have spiraled into a deep dark place that would be next to impossible to come out of. When I am off on the weekends, I find myself gravitating toward the "dark place". I cry a lot, I sleep a lot and I find myself watching the videos of Trevor and spending lots of time in his room.

Some people thought it would be hard for me to return to work simply because I work with kids. Well, it is what I have known for the past 9 I have always been very dedicated to my work and to my students. My students are what keep me going. For 7 1/2 hours of the day, they are my focus. They keep me grounded and give me a purpose. Their innocent view of life and simple happiness puts a smile on my face. There are times when something happens that reminds me of Trevor or what happened to him. For example, every time the fire whistle goes off in town, I tear up. The students have become accustomed to my tears. They simply keep working and go with it.

I also work with an amazing staff. Here is what I wrote to them at the holiday break:
"I am so blessed to work at such an amazing school with such an incredible staff. You have all been there for me and it has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. You have been there to listen, to talk, to laugh, and to be a shoulder to cry on. It is your kindness, support and friendship that make getting up and facing each day a little bit easier. I know that when I am in this building all will be “ok”. I can go in my room and teach knowing that if I need anything someone will be there at a moments notice........

I again thank you for everything that you have done for me. It is the people who stand behind me that make me strong. I would not have been able to come back to work had it not been for each of you."

So some may think that me going back to work is "too soon" or "cold hearted", but that is not the truth. Going back to work keeps me safe and keeps me going and keeps me fighting for another day.

I took this picture last year. I was off for my appendix surgery and ready for my summer off with Trevor!

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