Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Fog

Trying to explain my world - basically for almost 8 months now I have been living in a fog. A fog so thick and dense that it is impossible for me to see the world around me. I don't remember dates or events until the day the are here, they day they are right in front of me in the fog.

Some days the fog is lighter than others. Some days the fog is so thick I can barely breath. When the fog is thick, each breath is slow and hard to take. Each step I take is unknown and I have no idea where I am. I can't see in front of me. I can't see what my future will be like, will there be fog? or light?

Losing a child has to be the worst loss one can suffer. Losing a child at the hands of someone you trusted, is unexplainable. It is betrayal. It makes you question EVERYTHING (yes even God). You wonder how on earth someone you thought you knew could hurt something so precious to you. She not only took Trevor from us, but from the world. I think how amazing he was at only 9 months of life, I can't imagine what he would have accomplished in his life. He could have been a doctor or vet or ANYTHING he wanted. He could have helped so many people in this world.

It is my hope that in his death, his story being told, will help other victims of SBS or even help stop SBS. Telling Trevor's story and keeping his memory alive helps to clear the fog. But there are the days when his story and the pain it has caused so many people, makes the fog heavy. I never know how my day is going to be. I never know what things (big or small) are going to affect me. I miss Trevor more than words could explain. I can't believe he is gone and what is left is the fog.


  1. I can't imagine what you have gone through, truly I cannot, I know fear of having sick child, but that could never compare to having a child so violently taken from you. I am praying for you, and I hope that the woman who caused this, and killed your little boy spends the rest of her life in prison.

  2. I know how much i hated hearing "I know how you feel" when my brother passed 2 years ago but i do remember my mom and how destroyed she was when my 10 month old sister was murdered 16 years ago. I can only sympathise but i do understand the feelings and thoughts you have shared that are all to similar for me. I do feel so much pain for you and i hope that in knowing how much the rest of us do understand you can find some comfort. Trevor will never be forgotten by me. I will allways remember what you have shared and his beautiful blue eyes and bright smile. I PROMISE I WILL ALLWAYS REMEMBER!