Sunday, May 23, 2010
I am feeling the need to write you a letter. I talk to you all the time, but there is something about putting my feelings in writing. There isn't a day or even a moment that goes by that I am not thinking of you. We are coming up on the end/beginning of the month...the time I dread the most.
This month we should have been celebrating your 18month birthday. You would have been 18 months. I sit here and wonder...what would you look like or what would you be into? However, it is hard for me to even imagine the what ifs. In my eyes you will always be 9 months old. You will forever have your big blue eyes and cheeky grin. You will always have your chubby bare feet and beautiful brown hair with the cowlick. You are forever etched in my memory as the precious 9 month old we love so much.
Tonight Daddy and I went to Grandad and Ms. Sharen's house for dinner. You loved it there. I have so many memories from this past summer. Ms. Sharen took down the hammock swing in the back yard. I will never forget you and Daddy swinging in it on the 4th of July. I remember looking at the two of you and feeling so complete. I had it all, my perfect little family. You were the baby I thought I would never have - perfect in every way - beautiful and with such a happy go lucky personality. Daddy and I were just so blessed to be your parents.
There have been people that tell me I should be grateful for having 9 months with you. Believe me, I am. I am so thankful for those wonderful 9 months. But, at the same time I can't help but feel so angry that 9 months is all we had with you. It should have been more. You should have never been taken the way that you were. You should have never ever died at such a young age. There was so much more I wanted to show you and teach you. So much more....so much taken not just from us, but from the whole world. This world is just not the same with out Trevor James Ulrich.
Well My love, it is getting late and my tears won't stop. I hope you know how much I love you and that I will always love you. I am so sorry for what happened. I am so sorry that our time together was cut short. I miss you so very much. I am longing for a sign any kind of sign to tell me you are ok. Please visit me in my dreams.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine"