Friday, June 4, 2010
The Pain of a Father
I have used this blog to discuss Trevor, SBS and my pain. I really haven't gone into much detail with my husband's pain. He is a man, so he tends to keep much of his feelings and emotions to himself. I have been married to Dominic for almost 7 years and I have been with him for almost 10 years. I love him very much, my love grew even stronger when I watched him become a dad.
When Trevor was born and taken to the NICU, I had to stay behind in Easton. Dominic went to be with Trevor, he took pictures and text me to keep me up to date. That first night when he left Trevor he broke down outside of the hospital. Dominic describes the day he became a father as the day he became a man.
I loved watching Dominic and Trevor. They had a definite bond. One that can only be shared with father and son. Dominic was so easy and loving. Trevor would light up when Dominic would come home from work. It was no surprise that his first words were Dada.
That awful day in September, when we heard that Trevor had been shaken and that this "abuse" would be investigated, we knew they were silently pointing fingers at us. I was outraged. We did nothing but love Trevor. However, my feelings of being blamed were much different than Dominic's . Because he is a man, there is a stereotype and a "statistic" that men are the ones who abuse the children. He felt as though all eyes were on him.
When the news broke about Ms. Dobson being arrested, there were people so upset and not believing, that they started pointing fingers at Dominic. Again because he is a man. Rumors flew that he had a temper and that he was a tattooed rough around the edges guy. It broke my heart to see people judge him without even knowing the kind of man and father he is.
That simple stereotype hurt him so much. In ways it still does. I know the truth will come out and people will see that there is no way that Dominic or I did this to Trevor.
Tonight Dominic sent me this text message. It inspired me to write tonight about him and the amazing father that he was and continues to be. He misses Trevor as much as I do. We both miss him so much!
"just saw on the news somewhere across the bridge a baby girl was taken to the hospital with brain trauma and the father is being charged. its people like this who give us guys a bad rap. when something like happens that jerk should get kicked in the side of his head by a kicker from the nfl with a pair of steel toe boots".
"the news said her injuries were as though she fell from a 4 story building or was in a car crash at 80 mph. hope he gets his a** beat in jail".
Dominic is right. It is the bad dads who give a bad name to the good ones. Trevor had, and still has, a good one. I love you Dominic. I loved watching you be a dad. Thank you for giving me Trevor and for staying by my side throughout all of this. You help give me the strength I need to face each day!