This is now my third time trying to write today. I have a picture picked out and the "theme" I was going to use but I just cant find the words. The snow has given me time to get my "to do" list completed and this is one that I just can't do today.
I start to write and I just find myself getting angry and mad. I think "I shouldn't be blogging about the past". I shouldn't have to store my memories of only 9 months in a blog. I should be blogging about how much I have enjoyed my time off with Trevor and what things he is getting into now. I should be posting pictures of him in the snow all bundled up with a hat and gloves and a big fluffy coat. I should be planning summer vacation not another memory of Trevor day.
Today I went to the YMCA with my dear friend. I watched as a little boy toddled out with his mom. I had to fight my tears and just keep going. Seeing children his age makes me miss and wish for what I don't have.
Today trying to write about Trevor has put me in such a funk. I simply want to kick my feet and cry and have a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. I sometimes wish I could pull the covers over my head and wake up in the spring. I know these things can not happen and will not solve anything. I know it is all in part of my grieving process, but it just brings up so many emotions.
So I apologize for no picture or Trevor memory today. I will try again tomorrow. Maybe I will be in a better mood.